Luke's Spring Concert

Luke recently had his spring elementary school musical, called "How Does Your Garden Grow?". Luke was a farmer... the straw hat and plaid shirt helps give that away. Here is a little taste. In the later part, he and his buddy Ryan from Cub Scouts are doing their best "Dancing With the Stars" audition... or maybe not. Enjoy.

Happy Birthday Grandma

Grandma: Just wanted to let you know we are thinking about you today.


HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!

Congratulations Beth

Beth missed the second half of her soccer game to perform with a clarinet quartet at the OMEA Solo and Ensemble contest. She was all fidgety beforehand to the point she didn't even play the right note during the warm up. Then it was time for them to play and they did a wonderful job.


Afterwards she was convenced that they had earned a "II" or "III" but when the raking went up on the board it was a "I" or a score of Superior.

Nice work.

Happy Easter and our first night away from home

We spent Easter at Mark's parents. It was our first overnight trip anywhere since coming home from Russia. Everyone had a great time and all four kids did well... especially considering this whole Easter things was sort of new to half of them. We had a big dinner with a lot of the family. Enjoy the photos.

Happy Birthday Grandpa

Happy Birthday Grandpa!!!!

Losing Their Language

We have always said that it was important to us that Kim and Peter keep their Russian language. We talked about this before we even went to Russia for trip 1. We have emphasized it repeatedly with the kids, the agency, our interpreter in Russia, the Director of the orphanage, the judge... just about anyone who would listen. We've brought home books in Russian and videos in Russian. The kids love the videos (they watched the Jungle Book yesterday)... Peter could never read in Russian and Kim doesn't like to read very much, so the books aren't too much of a hit. We actively seek out opportunities for the kids to speak Russian with other Russian speakers in our city. We also thought that since we adopted two Russian speaking siblings, that their speaking Russian to each other would also help them keep their language.

It isn't working.

They now mix in a lot of English words when they speak to each other in Russian... even when we aren't in the room. Yesterday they played checkers and as they set up the board, Kim told Peter "Ya brown" and Peter answered "Ya white" (our checkerboard is wooden and we have brown and white pieces). This alone doesn't mean much, but we've noticed that Kim is having a harder and harder time reading in Russian. Peter keeps forgetting the Russian word for things or tells us that the English word is Russian (for words where even I know that it isn't).

The first two videos were made in March 2009. These are 3 months, almost to the day, after our adoption became offical and we took custody of Kim and Peter. Mom shot these as a condition of the kids being allowed to play "Mama Hachish"... one of their favorite homeschool games... more on that later. In the first one, we asked them to say their alphabet... first in English and then in Russian. After they struggle doing the Russian together, Kim says "Ya snaiyish" (I know... BTW, it should have been "Ya snaiyoo"... they no longer conjugate verbs correctly) and tries doing it by herself... and can't get it right. She then says "OK, Ya ne snaiyish Russian" (OK, I don't know Russian... it should have been "Ya ne snaiyoo").



In the second video, Mom is holding a book where they can read the Russian alphabet. Kim had disappeared between the two to get one of her Russian books so she could look at it and remember. She was troubled that she didn't remember the Russian alphabet. Even with Lisa holding up the book, notice how much they struggle with it.



This last video is from our first trip to Russia back in July 2008 where the kids said the alphabet for us. Peter (Gyena back then) does not know his Russian alphabet, even though he is supposedly 8 years old. He had never had any schooling at that time. Kim (Yana back then) had just finished second grade and does know hers.



We need to rethink our stance on their native language. Do we put a lot more time and resources into trying to help them keep it or do we allow it to continue to slip away?

Beth's Band Concert

Beth recently had her spring band concert. This is her second year of playing the clarinet. We've come a long way from the notorious "Hot Cross Buns" concert. Enjoy.

Missing Tooth

This tooth has been loose since before Peter joined our family. He has been afraid to wiggle it or move it. (He really didn't want to lose it.) I was reaching the point I was afraid he would choke on it because it was so loose.

Tonight, with it dangling from just one point in his mouth, we convinced him to let us pull it. He got all pale, sweaty and clammy. He swallowed hard and let us pull it out. It was more than ready but you could clearly tell that he had some flashbacks to his last trip to a dentist.

Anyway it was so loose it came out with almost no blood. We then got him thinking about putting his tooth in his tooth pillow and what did he think he would find in the morning. "A Dollar!!" "A dollar??" This and some tickling got a smile going but all night it was as if he was mourning the loss of his tooth.

Side note: He has five other loose teeth, pray that each tooth lost will not be such an emotionally thought process.

Happy Birthday Grandpa

Grandpa, we want to send you this birthday greeting. Happy Birthday!!!!!!!!!!!

We hope you had a good trip.

Happy 9th, I mean 7th Birthday

Today Peter officially turned 9 and we celebrated his 7th birthday. If this doesn't make sense, see the post entitled "Peter, Peter, How Old Art Thou?" Anyway, today we celebrated Peter's 7th Birthday. The celebrating started early since last night we put balloons and noise makers in his bedroom while he was sleeping. He came downstairs this morning in full party gear... party hat, pajamas, balloons and noisemaker. The day he had been waiting for had finally arrived. (He had been counting down the days on the calendar till his birthday ever since we did a calendar unit in school a month ago. A big party hat sticker has been his focus on the calender ever since.)

The day started with candles on his fried eggs and Mom giving 7 birthday hugs and 7 birthday kisses. He had the biggest, silliest grin at this. I then sent him up to the shower to get cleaned up so we could go have his picture taken. He did really well at these, although, as fate would have it, his hair would not lay down in back (He normally doesn't have a problem with hair standing straight up but today he sure did.) While we were out, we picked up stuff to make his cake. Back at home we made up his cake and had a shortened school day. We did get to read Happy Birthday Biscuit and Curious Geore and the Birthday Surprise , two of his favorite storybook characters. Kim then read бабушкин суп по субботам. (Her Russian reading has really declined... yet another unwritten post.) Then downstairs for some language arts and math. All the while a stack of presents on the dining room table kept Peter's attention. He asked once about being able to open them but did really well at waiting, once it was explained that he had to wait until Beth and Luke made it home from school and Dad was home from work. Finally everyone was home and he got to rip into them. After which it was off to McDonald's, after all if you are offered anything you want to eat for your birthday dinner what could be better? That evening Beth had her Middle School Band Concert so we went and enjoyed the music. (Sorry about the dark picture the flash on my little camera didn't reach the stage. Hopefully the video came out better. I haven't even looked at it yet.)

Finally it was cake time with "Mama's cars" racing across the cake. He kept trying to convince me that they should be his new cars since they were on his birthday cake. After all, Spiderman was even in one of the cars. In the end I "agreed" to his logic and reluctantly gave up "my" cars.

After singing Happy Birthday, Peter blew out the candles. He was so reved up about it he couldn't get a big enough/focused enough blow to get them out in one try. He kept blowing and got them all out. He didn't even need the trick candles we put on Kim's cake. He was beaming the whole time.

Then it was time to cut the cake, one of the things that we let the birthday kid do is cut their own first piece of cake. You should have seen his eyes when I handed him the "Big" knife. He didn't want to take it and politely asked me in English to cut the cake for him. I did make sure that he got the first piece. Then off to bed for the close of his very first American birthday. I think he is already thinking about his next one.

Climbing Wall

One of the highlights of the school year for Luke is the climbing wall unit. He missed the first round in the fall since we were in Russia but this week climbing wall started again. He did really well and is a lot braver than I am. (Side note: Gym class, I mean physical education class, has really changed since I was in school and we had to try to climb the rope.)

The class started with going over all of the safety rules. Then all of the students got into climbing harnesses and helmets. They could then pick which activities they wanted to do first. Luke started on the climbing wall. He worked the belay team for a couple of his classmates then it was his turn to climb. He headed up and got stuck for a minute 2/3 the way up but figured it out. I was really proud of him for making it, although he climbed off the platform before I got the camera going.

After the climbing wall, Luke moved on to the zip wire. It is his favorite activity but, having been the parent volunteer for it before, it is not the parents' favorite. However, if you are looking for a good work out for the day, this is the station to sign up for.

Next week Mark is going in for Luke's last climbing wall unit of the year. It is always a lot of fun with a group of really great kids.

Guess Who just lost His Training Wheels

This weekend was a monumental step for us. We are once again a training-wheel-less family. When Peter first arrived, the idea of balancing on a bike, peddling, looking where you are going and steering all at the same time was completely over loading. Mark was able to put training wheels on Peter's Bike which allowed him to learn to peddle and steer. Once he mastered these two skills, the rest of bike riding came very quickly. So ready or not Peter is ready to roll.

Meanwhile, as Peter is burning-up the road on his bike, the other 3 decided that it's a good day to try out their new roller blades they got for Christmas. I'm pleased to say that with all the unbalanced wheels that were rolling around we had no major wipe outs. I will say that if you are ever heading over to see us, watch out. I give no guarantees about from where wheels will be rolling or by whom.

Side note: Mom thought it was way too cold to be out (only 27 degrees!).. but that didn't stop them one bit. :)

Two Months Later... and a Shocking Lesson for Dad

Around two months ago I put up a post called First Observations.... I think that maybe it's time to update this and let everyone know how things are progressing.

Kim and Peter still love their new home... but they still want their bedroom doors left open at night and want a nightlight left on. They are less adamant about the door and light now, but they still aren't ready to sleep in a dark room by themselves with the door shut. We have enjoyed sometimes talking over dinner about how our home and meals are different than the children's home. It seems that there was never anything good to eat there... at least there was no lasagna anyway.

Peter and Bandit are still very close friends, but Peter now yells at him in ENGLISH (yeah!)... but Bandit still doesn't quit licking him. Both kids are starting to use more English and they both are clearly understanding more English. At the same time, our Russian is also improving. We now speak a hybrid language that includes both English and Russian words in the same sentence!

Both Kim and Peter are doing pretty well about playing with the neighborhood kids. One thing we've noticed is that they really like to go outside to play. We often have to limit their outdoor play options because of the winter weather and they aren't always in agreement with this... but they ARE accepting our direction now... even if it is sometimes accompanied by muttering things under their breath in Russian.

From a socialization perspective, we've all made great strides... and STILL have a long way to go. The kids do MUCH better in new situations and with meeting new people than they used to. They will say "Hi" now without a fight. Their socialization at home has also improved as they are becoming more used to the structure of family life and family rules. They want the freedoms and opportunities that come with their new life, but at the same time, they don't want the responsibilities and rules that go along with it. This has been hard, frustrating, and inconsistent, but we have seen a great deal of change.

Beth and Luke are doing pretty well, but the changes in the family dynamic have been very hard on both of them. Luke has been displaced as the youngest and is trying to figure out where he fits. We ask him to function as if he were the second oldest, but he understands that Kim is older than he is. This is quite a dilema for him and he's struggling with his role at times. Beth is now in middle school and that's hard enough to go through without the added stresses at home. She sometimes has a hard time figuring out where she belongs as well. She grew-up so much during the Russia trip... faster than she should have. We're working to get her to lighten-up a little and to enjoy being 12 and not trying to be too old yet. Thank goodness this period is moving forward and we are all becoming more settled into our roles. I've heard it said that at 3 months you are 1/2 way to being a family... at six months you're 3/4 of the way to being a family and at one year you are 90% of the way there. This seems right so far... we'll see as we go.

There are still what I call "survival behaviors" that are left over from their previous life however. We've been pretty fortunate in that we really haven't had stealing... a real problem with some newly adopted older kids who learned to steal what they needed or wanted. We never really had much food hoarding, but we did have a little bit at first. Now we have trouble getting them to eat everything on their plates without excessive prodding sometimes. We do still have lying. Yes, all kids lie to their parents sometimes, but Kim and Peter were used to having to lie often and with skill just to survive. This is a behavior that we are trying to work on.

Kim will sometimes lie almost without thinking about it in order to avoid what she thinks will be work or to avoid getting scolded. For example, she sometimes bullies her brother into complying with her wishes by badgering him until he submits... or... as he has started to become more independent from her... she'll occasionally get physical and push, shove, or even hit him to make him obey. When we confront her about it, she tells us she did not hit him... and he'll usually back her up on it... probably we think because he doesn't want her to get into trouble. We're working to make it far more trouble to lie than it was to tell the truth. This is what all parents do with teaching their kids, but it's harder and takes longer when you are just starting this approach with kids who are older. Sometimes it's hard to remember that socially they are much younger than their ages.

Kim is VERY COMPETITIVE and she clearly is used to having her way with her brother. She absolutely hates it anytime that she thinks he is getting something that she isn't getting or worse... when he is more successful at something. She can't accept that he could beat her at anything and she will try to punish him if he does. Lisa saw this a few days ago at the AWANA Grand Prix at church. During warm-ups, Peter's car (a skateboard) was faster then Kim's (a Wii remote). She could not accept this, so she intentionally crashed her (rather sturdy) car into his (somewhat fragile) skateboard car and broke off the section with the back wheels. In fact, in the 15 minutes before checking the cars in, she broke his car TWICE. Lisa was able to glue the wheels back on, but his car was never faster than hers again. This is a behavior that we have seen several times. I don't want to give the impression that she is always a bully, because she certainly is not. She mostly looks after him and works to make sure that he is not taken advantage of. She clearly loves him as his sister (and as the only mother he had for most of his life)... but she's still just a 10 year old who's been raised without the benefit of a family to model appropriate behaviors. They have so much socialization to learn still.

As for the physical bullying, we obviously aren't going to let that continue. We've explained how people in a family don't hit or hurt each other, but this doesn't exactly ring true with them based on their past. Kim LOVES to talk with us after her bedtime bible story each night. The topic doesn't matter to her... she just loves the one on one attention... and the fact that if we are talking then she is delaying having to go to sleep. One of the topics we've started to discuss is her life before the orphanage. She tells that she doesn't know her biological father because he didn't like crying babies and he left. At least that is her understanding of why he left. We don't have any official info on him and all we know about her biological mother was that she was homeless, liked to drink vodka, made the children beg with her and was sent to prison for child neglect among other things.

Kim tells us that she knew Peter's father (who apparently stuck around for a while after Peter was born) and she didn't like him. She didn't like him because he used to hit them... a lot. She said that when Peter would cry as a baby, Peter's father would hit him to make him stop. She said her mother only hit them a little bit, so she liked her more. I believe this physical abuse story because of their reactions to me.

The first time that Kim and Peter were hitting each other I raised my voice and scolded them, telling them that families don't hit each other (even though hitting was what they knew as a normal part family life). I had intentionally used my SCARY BOOMING DAD VOICE to make it very clear that I meant what I said and that they needed to obey immediately. Usually the SCARY BOOMING DAD VOICE causes kids to stop what they are doing and pay attention. It had a different response with Kim and Peter. Instead of stopping and being sorry for what they had done, they both dropped to the floor shaking terribly, curled up into a tight ball, covered their heads with their hands and arms and began crying. They were adopting the posture that results in the least damage and pain when you are about to be beaten. They had experience in how to take a beating and it was very clearly a learned behavior... a well conditioned response that was now automatic. It was done in unison and without any communication with each other. These kids obviously knew what it meant to be beaten... more than once. I was speechless, shocked, and absolutely crushed all at the same time.

They were afraid of me... my kids were genuinely and completely afraid of me in that moment... afraid that I would be like the other men in their lives in that I was going to beat them in my (faux)anger. What a painful and tragic lesson for me. Now I understand why the judge asked me in court why these children shouldn't fear me. I had to very gently explain that I will NEVER hit them... that we are a real family and families don't hurt each other like that... no matter what. They seem to be less frightened now, but you can tell that they want to avoid punishment for themselves and for each other... and if that takes lying, then they won't hesitate to do so. Sometimes we need to understand WHY they do the things that they do before we can help them to move on. We still have so much to learn...

Peter, Peter, How Old Art Thou?

We have a dilema. Peter's birth certificate says he will be 9 years old around 2 weeks from now. We're not so convinced that this is correct.

We knew that he was small, so that alone isn't it. He is roughly in the 8th percentile for height and weight for 8 year olds. His head circumference doesn't actually even make the charts, but there are things that probably explain that. Interestingly, he actually weighs HALF as much as Luke who is just 6 months and 6 days older. Could the REALLY poor nutrition and utterly horrible homeless life he lived pre-orphanage explain his size... almost certainly. But still, something isn't quite right... particularly given that Kim, who had the same environment, is thin but fairly normally sized for her age (10 years old).

Peter's size is pretty comparable to a five year old or small six year old... but so is his behavior. Yes, orphanage kids are socially behind, but Peter really enjoys the things that six year olds enjoy. His mannerisms make you think of a kindergartener or young first grader. His voice is that of very young boy. He just doesn't "Feel" eight (almost nine).

We wonder if we might understand why he seems so far off when his sister does not. We think he might really be six and we have some reasons for thinking so. Kim and Peter lived in the orphanage for just over two years. According to their records, it looks like their ages were estimated at that time. Kim was declared to be eight and Peter six when they entered the orphanage. When we ask Peter if, when he was 5 if he knew he was 5, he says no. Kim says they never had a birthday when they lived with their mom.

When we asked the director of the orphanage about the ages of kids there, she said the home was for children aged SIX to 18 and they had 80 children there. SIX to 18! When Kim and Peter went to live at the orphanage, they would have been 8 and 6 respectively (assuming their "paperwork ages" are correct). The more that we think of it, it seems to us that Peter was probably FOUR and not six at that time. If he had been officially four, he would not have been able to live at the same childrens' home as his sister. Seeing how dependent he was on her, we think he probably would not have survived being apart from her. Hence, we believe that his age was listed as SIX and not four in order to keep them together in the same orphanage.

Is this too far fetched? Maybe not. As part of his medical exam, we asked for a wrist X-ray to be taken when they did his chest X-ray. A wrist X-ray allows for the estimation of age based on skeletal development. Peter's "bone age" came back as..... Six years and zero months. When we re-adopt the kids in a U.S. court in a few months, we'll ask that his birthdate be legally changed to make him two years younger than he is officially listed right now. We'll need to convince our physician to write a letter in support of this, but we think it's reasonable. So, in two weeks or so, we'll celebrate Peter's 7th birthday.

Of course, we have to be concerned that he might really be eight and about to turn nine. If that is the case, some good nutrition will help him catch up... like some of our friends have discovered with their adopted daughter.

American Hair Cuts

Beth and Luke had the day off school and all the kids could use a hair cut (and even Mom too.) So we packed up and headed out. Here is the before and after pictures.


At home before the hair cuts.

Beth and Kim were so ready to get their bangs out of their eyes. I was ready to have Kim move beyond the "orphanage bowl cut" that is so common for the girls in orphanages. It is amazing how much healthier and thicker her hair looks and feels with it trimmed up. Her hair has a nice shine now with all the split and uneven ends cut off (and more protein in her diet). Beth was able to feather in the half of her bangs that she has been growing out. So she was pleased to finally have them as part of the hair style and not just this section that was to long to be bangs but to short to fit with her hair. (Although I'm not sure I like her new cut, it makes her look far to old.)


Peter kept saying he didn't want his hair cut. With all the medical tests and particularly some problems with a dentist (this is a whole nother post once we are calmed down and ready to give prewarnings to other adoptive parents but we have to deal with it first), I wasn't going to push it. Luke went next although he was the one in the group that needed the cut the least. Then while I was getting mine cut the kids convinced Peter to get his cut. He sat there white as a ghost and ready to spring up at the least little thing. (He doesn't trust new places). He was scared to death but he lived through the hair cut. It really looks good on him. He had had the typical boy orphanage cut of buzzed tight but uneven for most with fringe left a little longer all around the edge. He now has it trimmed up around the edges and I had them leave most of the length that he had grown out on the top.

I may be a little partial but I think I have a pretty go looking bunch. I think you'll probably agree.

Sporting the new dos

Where does Papa go each day?

With life starting to settle into a routine, Kim and Peter are wanting to understand more about different parts of the routine. We had driven them by Beth's and Luke's School (and even took them to Family Fun Night ant Luke's School) so they knew where they went each day. But they didn't know where Papa (who is now becoming "Dad") went each day. We decided to have a lunch date with Dad at the "Universitet".

We took Dad out to Bob Evans (where they have picture menus) then went back to The University. While driving around Kim was very impressed at how HUGE the University was. We went back to Mark's office to meet a couple of co-workers and see Dad's office. Lots to see and touch in the office but it was Mom that knocked down a whole line of award plaques on top of the filing cabinet. Kim and Peter both scored a piece of candy out of the candy jar then it was time for Dad to head off to a meeting.

It was an enjoyable outing for all that where involved and another piece of the puzzle of Kim's and Peter's new life now became real.

Happy Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving! No, we are NOT crazy... well, OK, we just adopted two kids so maybe we ARE crazy, but wishing everyone a Happy Thanksgiving is not a sign of our insanity. You see, one of the things that most bothered Beth and Luke about our trip to Russia was that they had to miss Thanksgiving. It's not a holiday they celebrate over there... even though we sort of celebrated a little bit at Kentucky Fried Chicken in Stavropol. We promised the kids a real Thanksgiving feast with all the trimmings sometime after we got home.

Since Mark and the non-homeschooled kids had Monday off for the MLK Jr. Holiday, we decided that it would be a good day to have our belated Thanksgiving. Part of the tradition is Beth making pies (she is GREAT at making pie!) and she wanted to try out her new apron and ovenmitt from Grandma. She helped teach Kim to make cinnamon roll cookies with the leftover crust. We cooked a turkey (or Bolshoi Chicken as Peter and Kim understood it). We found a good Thanksgiving story and explanation online that we translated into Russian using babelfish's webpage translator. We looked at a photo of turkey... turns out it isn't just a big chicken afterall. Most importantly, we shared this opportunity to thank God with some very dear friends. The Canary's joined us and a great time was had by all... 4 adults and 8 kids (yes we ate in the dining room on the good china and no, there were no spills... much to Bandit's dismay). Kim really enjoyed having two year old Erin over to play with. She hasn't stopped talking about it. All four of our kids REALLY enjoyed the turkey and Kim, Beth and Luke also liked the stuffing... not Peter... seems we ruined his hleb (bread) by putting stuff in it.

We may have to celebrate Thanksgiving a lot more often! We have so much to be thankful for... and who doesn't love the smell of turkey?

спасибо

I am very late in saying this (something about being the Mom of four, I don't know where the time goes) but I want to say a great big спасибо (Thank you) to so many people in the Russian community that I have had the opportunity to meet.

Let me explain: I have been going into the Russian markets for about a year now. I'll go in and ask what this foods is or what this means or how to say something. I have come out with recipes, full documents translated (when I was just hoping for help to find one piece of information)and phone numbers with offers of assistance in translation. I have been encouraged and Kim and Peter have been warmly welcomed. I thank each of you that I have met.

I also want to thank some of you that I have never meet. You see my father-in-law works with a couple of ladies with Russian heritage. When they heard that we were in Russia to bring the kids home, they gathered up a large selection of Russian foods so the kids would have some familiar foods. They even found two birthday cards in Russian for Kim's birthday (Dec. 20 just a week after landing in the U.S.)

Then this last time my in-laws came to visit they brought bags of cloths for Peter and a stack of books written in Russian from this same lady. Some of the books are ones that she brought over from the Soviet Union when she immigrated thirty years ago. Kim has really enjoyed having access to literature written in Russian. I encourage her to read aloud to Peter on a regular bases. I am hoping that this will help her and Peter maintain their Russian language and that she will maintain her ability to read it. The picture below is Kim reading one of the books they were given.

One final спасибо to each of you. - Lisa



New addition: We have also found that our library system has a few books in Russian.

Fitting In

OK, OK, we get it... we've been woefully negligent in putting up posts. In our defense, integrating a family takes a lot of work... and time... and energy... and patience. And.... we now have FOUR kids with Webkinz accounts... do you really think that Lisa and I are even able to get online anymore? We've been struggling with some issues and we'll blog on that soon. In the meantime, it has been fun to watch Kim and Peter begin to join-in with the neighborhood kids. Here is a video from last week when the kids went sledding on my neighbor's hill. First up (I mean first down) is Peter on the snowboard... then Luke on the disc... then Kim playing bowling for brothers.