Moving On

We wound up delaying our application to our new agency because we learned that there was still a remote chance for us in El Salvador. We learned from our program coordinator that El Salvador had asked for a list of dossiers of families requesting older children. The implication was that they might be able to process and place these more quickly since they have several older children ready for adoption in their system. Our names were on the list (we put in for a boy under 8 and a girl 8-10), so we waited to see where that would lead. It seems that they asked for this list around the time that we submitted our dossier (Sept 2007). As we have come to expect... there is no news and little chance of anything happening there anytime soon.

So, we have now gone ahead with changing agencies and countries. We have submitted our application to Adoption ARK for their Russia program. What a wonderful difference already! We emailed our contact at Adoption ARK (Jill Underhill) to let her know that we mailed the application. In less than an hour, she was on the phone with us to start getting the information so she wouldn't have to wait on the US Postal Service! How refreshing it is to feel like your agency cares about you and is being proactive instead of reactive.

Episode IV: A New Hope

Change is hard... but getting easier.

After a lot of self-examination, research, discussion, and above all else, prayer... we've come to the conclusion that staying in the El Salvador program through our agency is not the right choice for us. We want all four of our children to share a common childhood and it looks like that just won't be very likely if we stay put. I also don't know how well we'd hold up with a multi-year wait. I know that Abraham and Sarah waited for the fulfillment of God's promise, as did Zechariah and Elizabeth. But I'll be honest and admit that such a wait feels like a millstone around our necks. There are so many children who need families that we feel like we need to bring two of them home ASAP.

We've decided to not only change countries, but to also change agencies. We're about to submit our application to our new agency and once we are accepted, I'll post a link to their website(s) and describe the process of changing agencies as we work our way through it.

As I reflect on our initial choice from nearly a year ago, we looked pretty hard at a couple different agencies. In the end we elected to go with one that had a lot a very well produced printed materials and that seemed to be among the most professional appearing. It advertised a pretty reasonable timeframe and an attractive cost while at the same time appeared to be well run and organized. We shyed away from an agency we were very interested in and who seemed to be the most pro-active about making a difference in the orphanages they worked with but who also didn't have quite as nice of materials for prospective adoptive parents. We had better communication from this agency than the one we chose, but let appearances make our choice for us... sort of like the Israelites looked at Saul and thought he'd be a good king for them because he looked like what they thought a good king should look like. Of course... they'd never had a king before, let alone a good king. It seems our qualifications for choosing an agency were about as well developed as their qualifications for choosing a king.

It turns out that it's the communication with the agency that became the #1 thing we desired and were never quite satisfied with in our agency. Don't get me wrong, our first agency provides information to those who are diligent about contacting them and seeking it and they do it in a very businesslike way. It's just that we are learning that we don't want a businesslike adoption experience... we want a more personal one and we want to work with someone who is more proactive than reactive in their approach to communications.

Looking back, we went with our head and not our heart. Nearly a year later, we are going with our heart. Proverbs 3:5 says "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding." We are trusting him to guide us. Interestingly, since we've moved in this direction, the LORD keeps showing us that it is his will. He reaffirms what our heart has been telling us for a long time. Just today we came across several Blogs from people with our new agency that reinforce the choice in a way that was EXACTLY what we needed. We've also learned about the outreach activities this agency has to make a difference in the lives of the children who are the hardest to adopt. They seem to match with us on why they are involved in international adoption and they live-out what they say. We've seen several instances of the kind of communication we craved... both betwen the agency and us and between the agency and others. I can't help but notice that the LORD is actively giving us some peace with the decision.

- Mark

Bewilderment

It's February and I'm cold.

My body temperature is where it's supposed to be, so that's not the problem. My office and house are comfortably heated.... that's not the problem either. I have appropriate clothing. I have the love of a wonderful woman and children whom I adore. I shouldn't be cold... but I am. I'm so very cold in my soul today. Maybe numb is the more correct word. You see, we've learned that we probably won't be able to spend our lives with our children from El Salvador.

Our agency is closing the program to new applications because it is unclear when (or even if) dossiers will be reviewed by the government in El Salvador. It's now been about 4.5 months since we submitted our dossier to AWAA (our agency) and it isn't anwhere close to being looked at. At the time we submitted, their materials indicated that it normally takes 3 - 10 months for dossier approval. We sent it to our agency, they sent it to El Salvador where it would be translated into Spanish and then reviewed by OPA (oficina para adopciones), the government agency overseeing international adoptions. The process in El Salvador is that the dossier is first approved by OPA and then you go on the list to receive referral of a child. As such, we've never seen our children there. We don't know their names. We don't know their stories. We don't know their hopes and dreams... but we know that we're ready to bring our children home. It looks like we will not get the chance... at least not for several years.

OPA does not have the staff or resources to do their job. We've heard (through the grapevine... not from our agency) that OPA had two social workers who reviewed dossiers but that they now only have one. Last year, they approved what we understand to be 9 dossiers from our agency. There are over 50 waiting for review and there is no timeline on when they will even be looked at. There is at least one family from our agency whose unreviewed dossier has been in country for 16 months and counting. At this pace they will take years to even catch-up. Hence, our agency has shut the door to new applications for El Salvador and we have a difficult decision to make.

We can elect to stay in El Salvador with AWAA and wait for several years, or we can change. My wife and I both agree that we want our children to share a common childhood. This pushes us toward getting out of El Salvador. We are trying to decide if we stay with AWAA and switch programs, or if we change agencies altogether (abandoning several thousand dollars in the process). This is weighing on our hearts heavily right now and it chills me down to my very core. It's like the joy has been sucked right out of my heart. How can we "abandon" our children in El Salvador who are counting on us? I know that we've never even learned their names, but it feels no different than abandoning our birth children. It hurts in a way that you may never know unless you've been in a similar situation. Still, I don't think we really have an alternative.

A lot of folks from the El Salvador program are staying and describe it as having faith. They feel God-lead to be there and they will follow this path as a matter of faith. I don't think I'm so much having a crisis of faith as much as I'm having a crisis of understanding where God's leading us. I truly feel God's will in bringing two children into our lives and hearts. Of this I have absolute clarity and no doubts whatsoever. Where I'm struggling is in understanding WHERE these children are. When we first started thinking and planning, we considered several countries. I described in my first post on this blog a little of how we ended up in El Salvador, but I'd be dishonest if I don't admit that the cost (among the lowest) and the advertised timeframe (among the quickest) were factors that I considered. Was I really lead to El Salvador as part of God's plan... or was I just trying to micromanage His plan for my own ease? Afterall, I know how to best do God's will... it's doing it my way, right? I should know better than that and I think He's showing me the truth.

So, coming to grips with the truth is a hard thing. I feel a little like David in 2 Samuel 12. He did what he knew to be selfish and against God's will. The Lord showed him the foulness of his selfishness and it's terrible cost through the death of the child borne of David's sin. This is sort of how I feel about my children in El Salvador, albeit in on a much smaller scale. I know the Lord will care for them and has a plan for them also, so I find some comfort in that. So now it's time to truly be open to His will and let Him show me his plan... and do it His way. I think He's already doing so... ironically, it looks like it might be with the very first agency we considered nearly a year ago. The one we ignored even though we felt moved about them. It's funny how the Lord corrects and moves you back on track. He did so with David who went on to honor God greatly.... I only hope I can do the same.

- Mark