The Eyes of Those Who Will Remain

We were able to spend around 90 minutes with our kids in their orphanage this afternoon. It feels really good to officially be able to call them “our kids”. We explained about the court hearing. They knew it was yesterday and today and probably knew more about these hearings than we did since they have had friends who have already gone through the process. Yana (now Kim) clearly showed a look of satisfaction that it was final. She already knew about the 10 day wait, so it wasn’t too big of a disappointment that for her that they couldn’t leave with us today. We showed the kids the airline tickets to Moscow with their names on them. Kim had to count them to make sure we had enough. Gena (now Peter) was a little quiet about the whole thing. He did reach up and open Lisa’s locket to look at the pictures of Beth and Luke on one side and he and Kim on the other. He giggled a little bit about being in our family and even more when I kept asking him his name and he finally said “Peter”. We learned at court from the Deputy Director of the Orphanage that Peter has had his (very few) things packed and has been asking every day if it’s time for him to go home yet. He is excited, but very shy and reserved about it… especially if Kim is not in the room. She has been his security blanket and he will have a long, hard time learning to be his own person. He did very well with us today, but having been institutionalized in an orphanage from a young age and having that be a DRAMATIC IMPROVEMENT in his quality of life will make his transition a tough one.

At the orphanage today we experienced something that we also experienced back in July on our first trip. Lisa calls it “the eyes that follow”. Yesterday at the orphanage the care givers pretty much kept the other kids out of the area where we were visiting our kids. Today, we were in a different room…. The “guest room” where the Mama’s and Papa’s come to be with their kids. This room is on the main floor and is pretty much accessible to anyone who wanders by. Some of the other kids from the orphanage wandered by.

It started by them looking in the windows from outside. One or two would tap on the glass hoping for some response. Slowly a few started to sneak into the room and stand on the periphery, never saying a word. One boy, about 8 or 9 years old by the look of him, kept coming in to watch us and then he would step into the foyer where there was a piano. He’d play a few notes and then come back in. He wanted us to see that he liked music and he wanted us to think that he had some talent that might make us want to adopt him too, or maybe tell our friends about him. He never said a word the whole time we were there, but his eyes spoke volumes about his longing. Another boy, older, maybe 13 or 14 came and sat down with us while we played Tri-ominos with all four of our kids (you don’t have to speak the same language to figure out how to play). He watched very carefully and occasionally suggested a play to Kim. Most of his suggestions were wrong and hers were better, but you could tell he really wanted to be part of family activity… even if just as an observer for a little while. At his age and being a boy, he has almost no prospect of ever being adopted. He'll turn 18 and be dropped of in the center of town with 1 month's wage and well wishes. If the statistics we've read are true, he has a 2 in 3 probability that he will commit suicide within 3 years thereafter.

You never escape their eyes. They are always watching, waiting, calling, and wondering “why them and not me?” It rips a piece out of your soul every time you see them. Every child needs the love of a family and freedom from the lives that these kids have had to endure. If you are considering adopting a child, do it. They need you. Be it Russia, Africa, Central America, Asia, or your own town… they need a family and you can be it. You don’t have to be perfect… you just have to be willing. It’s a hard process as our previous blog posts over the past year and a half will attest, but it’s NOTHING compared to how hard it is to leave these kids behind. We can’t save them all, but we can save two. Will you help with another one?

If you have questions we'd be happy to talk to you about it.