Happy Belated Thanksgiving

Sorry for the delay in getting this post up. We’ve not been able to get an internet connection at all on Thursday. We were pre-warned that our internet would not be all that reliable here... we're learning that a lot of things are different than home.

Although we have so very much to be thankful for it is hard to think of it being thanksgiving without the smell of turkey roasting, piles of pies, football on the TV and most importantly family gathered all around. I think this is the first Thanksgiving that we will not be surrounded by extended family, but we have our new family here. Kim and Peter know nothing of this holiday. It’s just another day here in Russia. We’ll see them later (at around 4:00pm each day… about the time the Kim gets out of school) and tell them Happy Thanksgiving and try to explain the holiday. They will certainly have lots to be thankful for. How much their life is changing for the better. We wonder which parts will be hard and which will be easy for them; which will seem better and which will not.

It is really clear that Kim is ready to go. Last night she corrected Luke who called her Yana. She immediately said (in Russian of course), I’m not Yana, I’m Kim. The fun thing is that we all understood her. When we she learned that her birthdate changed and that she is 9 and not 10 she was shocked but then recovered quickly… just one more change in a world where everything is changing. How hard that must be. We asked her what she wanted for her birthday present. She first asked for a bicycle… and we told her that there is already one in the garage waiting for her. Then she though a moment and asked for a doll… and we reminded her of the photo of her bedroom with a new doll waiting on the bed as her welcome home gift. Then she said she couldn’t think of anything else. After a minute, she decided to ask for a real car! We explained that children can’t drive yet and she wouldn’t get one even if she could. She laughed and smiled. We only get to see them for 60 – 90 minutes each day and that’s hard. We hope to maybe have them come with us for the day on Saturday or Sunday.

We hope you all have a really wonderful Thanksgiving and enjoy all that you have to be thankful for. You are in our thoughts as we prepare to go next door later to have our Thanksgiving dinner… the kids think that KFC is as close as we will come to turkey this year... and we can even have some corn on the cob. The chicken shish-kebobs we had at the Russian shish-kebob restaurant wouldn’t have been a bad choice either (they were REALLY good). Lisa promises to do a full Thanksgiving feast in January for us.

Shopping in Stavropol - Two Russias

Today is our first day of waiting. Well, actually we've been waiting a lot over the past year, but this is our first day of waiting in Stavropol. We slept in. We needed it. We're still not completely over the jet lag so it's been hard to sleep at night when your body thinks its the middle of the afternoon. After breakfast at the hotel (it's included and is a relatively good spread... see the post from our last trip in July), we did a little homework. Luke worked on Language Arts today and Beth read about the Spartans. After that, we went shopping.

Shopping in Stavropol is a great example of the contrasts we see in Russia. In the area immediately surrounding our hotel it looks like Easton. There are a lot of boutique type shops and designer labels. Everyone in this are is VERY label conscious and they will save for months to buy a designer outfit and then wear it almost every day. We haven't shopped in these shops much on this trip... we've been saving our rubles for the important stuff... like ice cream. We walked about a mile from the hotel and went shopping in the "other Russia", the one where the normal Russians shop.


It was an open air market with lots of little booths where people sold everything from tools to clothes to food. There are lots of Russian high knee, high heel boots that all the young women wear. Beth isn't impressed. Luke liked the camo jackets and pants. We bought tonight's dinner at the market. A really good looking loaf of bread (11 rubles: 40 cents), 2 apples (20 rubles: 72 cents), 5 small oranges (25 rubles: 91 cents), a small jar of fresh honey (40 rubles: $1.45), and a really good looking cake... the desserts here are really good (80 rubles: $2.90). We'll supplement it with stuff from the room as needed. We took a few photos of the market andLuke would like to add some comments:

LUKE: Smoking is bad, but everyone here thinks it's hip. People smoke everywhere and all the places we go to smell like smoke, even the hotel room. At the market we bought some really good thin bread (Dad's note: think flour tortillas that taste like fresh white bread) and ate some of it while we were walking. Meat is sold different than in America. Instead of being in a refridgerator, it's hanging on poles or just laying on the counter.
The also have fish. Some are still alive in a tank. When you buy them, the seller pulls them out and kills them by smashing their brain with a hammer and then cuts them up for you. We also saw a skinned head of a cow sitting on the counter (see photo). It had horns attached, eyeballs still in their sockets, the fur was still around its nose, and Beth was really freaked out by it. It was awesome.

The Eyes of Those Who Will Remain

We were able to spend around 90 minutes with our kids in their orphanage this afternoon. It feels really good to officially be able to call them “our kids”. We explained about the court hearing. They knew it was yesterday and today and probably knew more about these hearings than we did since they have had friends who have already gone through the process. Yana (now Kim) clearly showed a look of satisfaction that it was final. She already knew about the 10 day wait, so it wasn’t too big of a disappointment that for her that they couldn’t leave with us today. We showed the kids the airline tickets to Moscow with their names on them. Kim had to count them to make sure we had enough. Gena (now Peter) was a little quiet about the whole thing. He did reach up and open Lisa’s locket to look at the pictures of Beth and Luke on one side and he and Kim on the other. He giggled a little bit about being in our family and even more when I kept asking him his name and he finally said “Peter”. We learned at court from the Deputy Director of the Orphanage that Peter has had his (very few) things packed and has been asking every day if it’s time for him to go home yet. He is excited, but very shy and reserved about it… especially if Kim is not in the room. She has been his security blanket and he will have a long, hard time learning to be his own person. He did very well with us today, but having been institutionalized in an orphanage from a young age and having that be a DRAMATIC IMPROVEMENT in his quality of life will make his transition a tough one.

At the orphanage today we experienced something that we also experienced back in July on our first trip. Lisa calls it “the eyes that follow”. Yesterday at the orphanage the care givers pretty much kept the other kids out of the area where we were visiting our kids. Today, we were in a different room…. The “guest room” where the Mama’s and Papa’s come to be with their kids. This room is on the main floor and is pretty much accessible to anyone who wanders by. Some of the other kids from the orphanage wandered by.

It started by them looking in the windows from outside. One or two would tap on the glass hoping for some response. Slowly a few started to sneak into the room and stand on the periphery, never saying a word. One boy, about 8 or 9 years old by the look of him, kept coming in to watch us and then he would step into the foyer where there was a piano. He’d play a few notes and then come back in. He wanted us to see that he liked music and he wanted us to think that he had some talent that might make us want to adopt him too, or maybe tell our friends about him. He never said a word the whole time we were there, but his eyes spoke volumes about his longing. Another boy, older, maybe 13 or 14 came and sat down with us while we played Tri-ominos with all four of our kids (you don’t have to speak the same language to figure out how to play). He watched very carefully and occasionally suggested a play to Kim. Most of his suggestions were wrong and hers were better, but you could tell he really wanted to be part of family activity… even if just as an observer for a little while. At his age and being a boy, he has almost no prospect of ever being adopted. He'll turn 18 and be dropped of in the center of town with 1 month's wage and well wishes. If the statistics we've read are true, he has a 2 in 3 probability that he will commit suicide within 3 years thereafter.

You never escape their eyes. They are always watching, waiting, calling, and wondering “why them and not me?” It rips a piece out of your soul every time you see them. Every child needs the love of a family and freedom from the lives that these kids have had to endure. If you are considering adopting a child, do it. They need you. Be it Russia, Africa, Central America, Asia, or your own town… they need a family and you can be it. You don’t have to be perfect… you just have to be willing. It’s a hard process as our previous blog posts over the past year and a half will attest, but it’s NOTHING compared to how hard it is to leave these kids behind. We can’t save them all, but we can save two. Will you help with another one?

If you have questions we'd be happy to talk to you about it.

Court - Day 2

Our court hearing was this morning from 10:00 – 11:20am. We were in a larger, much more formal courtroom for this part of the process and there were people from the orphanage, the ministry of social welfare, the ministry of education, the ministry of health, our lawyer, translator, the prosecuting officer (verifies the documents as authentic) and the judge. We started with more formalities, introductions and reading of the relevant requirements. Then I was asked more questions including questions about our religious affiliation and if the children would have the opportunity to choose a religion themselves when they are older. Lisa was up next with more questions about the kids and whether the biokids would become rivals of the adopted kids when we die and it’s time to settle our estate. After that, the representatives from each of the ministries spoke. Finally, the judge read through the list of each document in our dossier and gave a summary of it. If you’ve ever adopted or if you’ve heard us talk about the dossier, you realize that this list took quite awhile. After that, we were excused from the courtroom while the court deliberated. This was odd in that “the court” was just the judge. Our translator joked that we go outside while she talks to a mirror so she can deliberate. After a few minutes, we were invited back in and the judge read through her decree. As of today, Nov. 25 2008, the court orders that Yana Sergeevna Jelyabovskaya’s name will become Kimberly Yana Merrick with no patronymic name and that Gennadiy Sergeovich Jelyabovski’s name will become Peter Gennadiy Merrick with no patronymic name. Further, they will legally become the children of Mark and Lisa Merrick.

There. It’s done. We are now, legally, a family of six. The order of the court is held for 10 days during which time if additional information becomes available that would alter the court’s decision, it can be brought forth. After 10 days, this window for new information is closed and the children will be given into our custody. We get to see the kids at 4:00 this afternoon to tell them it’s all-official. Now we just have to wait the 10 days and get their passports and newly revised birth certificates. We should get physical custody on Friday, December 5th. We fly to Moscow on Sunday, December 7th. We bought six tickets for that flight today :-)

Court - Day 1

We made it out alive! Actually, it wasn’t too bad at all. There was a small bit of turmoil about Yana’s birth date however. We learned of it 5 – 10 minutes before the hearing. It appears that she has four different birth dates listed on official documents. Three of them were in May (8th, 15th, and 18th). It seems that these were all estimated birth dates based on development because there were no official birth records that the children’s home could find. The court was able to locate a birth record for her and guess what? Her birth date is in DECEMBER (20th) and not in May at all. This morning she was officially 10 years old. This afternoon she became 9 years old again. It looks like we’ll be having a birthday party about a week after we get back. Who knew?

The photo is of the courthouse. It’s not the best photo however. We took it from inside the van since Mark has this propensity for getting nearly arrested if he tries to use a camera in Russia. He’s a threat to national security in case you were wondering.

Today’s court hearing was the closed, preliminary hearing where the judge gathers data to help her with the court’s decision about the adoption. It started with formalities. We all had to stand when she entered the room and every time we spoke. There was a reading of the hearing’s purpose, attendees, etc. Then, the questions started. Mark was the first to be questioned. The questions focused on why we are pursuing adoption in Russia; what problems we were expecting as a result of the children’s’ “diagnoses”; whether we were being overly optimistic about these problems; about our financial stability; whether our biological children would be accepting of the new children or would they bully them; whether I had ever inflicted cruelty or abuse on a child; whether I would use physical punishments; and whether or not the children would be afraid of me because they have never had a father and the mother that they had had been cruel to them. After around 20 – 25 minutes (with me standing the whole time), it was Lisa’s turn to stand and face the court. Her questions focused on why we are seeking to adopt in Russia; whether our biological children would be jealous of having to share us with the new kids; what would she do when problems arose with the new kids; and when, in the future, the new “developmentally delayed” kids fail to live up to the standards set by our “normal” kids, whether we would abandon them. As far as a grilling goes, I think we left feeling more medium-rare than well done. Not too bad.

The social worker also spoke and gave great praise to Beth and Luke based on her observations of earlier this morning. She was in awe of how well our biokids accepted and interacted with our Russian kids. She couldn’t believe that they were able to engage in joint activities (doing some crafts that Lisa brought along) during the interview while the grown-ups were talking. The hearing ended after a few more formalities and we were done in just over an hour. Tomorrow we have the formal hearing at 10:00am and about 60 – 90 minutes later we will legally be a family of six.

After court, the driver took us back to the orphanage for an hour… this time without our translator (who had to do some court paperwork related errands). It was really nice to spend some time alone there as a family. We communicated surprisingly well and had a good time of bonding as a family. We were up in Yana’s group area and she was able to show us 1) her photo album that we gave her in July (she knows each photo very well) and 2) some of her schoolbooks. She has English Class this year and already knows her alphabet and the sounds each letter makes. She enjoyed showing us that she is already able to say quite a few words.

Oh, by the way, we also learned that the kids might have a biological sister or half-sister somewhere. She would probably be around 5 years old… if she exists. There is no paperwork for her and no official records. Apparently the kids told a social worker about a younger sister some time ago, but no one knows who or where she is. We think. We learned about this at the social worker interview and wondered if it would be sprung on us in court (Russian law says you have to adopt all of the known siblings or you get none of them). There was no mention of the other sister in court however and we really don’t know if there is any truth to her existence.

We ate at the new KFC next door for dinner tonight. It wasn’t quite KFC at home, but it was pretty close and the food was good. Both kids ate until they were full… and it cost about 90 rubles less than our old standby of “Fresh Burger”.

Social Worker Interview

This morning we had our "interview" with the social worker. Alex, our driver, picked her up on his way to get us and then drove us all to the orphanage. Gena met us in the lobby and had a candy to share with Beth and Luke. We were brought into the office of the Orphanage Director who greeted us warmly... just as she had left us last time. She asked us questions and had the Doctor brought in to answer any questions that we had about the children's medical diagnosis. As an aside, ALL orphanage children in Russia have a "diagnosis". It seems that Russians believe that if the kids are "normal" then they would not be in an orphanage. Also, at one point the only way a Russian child could be adopted abroad was if there was something wrong with them... hence, they ALL have something wrong with them. Yana has a typical Russian orphanage diagnosis of cerebral asthesia... "not enough blood flow to the brain" and this explains her "mental and social delays" at the time she entered the orphanage. The "diagnoses" are reviewed and revised every 3 years, so hers has not changed yet. The truth is that she is VERY bright, makes all A's and B's in her school and just won a local poetry reading contest for which she has qualified to the regional (state) competition. Her "diagnosis" is merely a formality to allow her to be adopted.

It's about 12:45 in the afternoon and at 1:00 we will be picked up for our first court hearing. We'll let everyone know how it goes.

First Contact

After breakfast at the hotel buffet, we were able to visit the orphanage for around 90 minutes this morning. It was an “informal” meeting (i.e. not officially scheduled… official meetings are during the week). The kids all were able to meet each other and despite their different languages, they were able to play together very well. You don’t need much language for soccer, Lego’s, and a playground. Both of the Russian kids seem to be happy and at least as healthy as when we left them in July. Gennadiy has a new, short-cropped haircut and is still very shy unless Yana is also there. They didn’t know we would be coming to visit them today, but when they both saw us they gave a huge smile and came running as fast as they could.

We were a little concerned about how Yana would respond. She was a little reserved around us back in July. She was very obviously excited about us coming and it was also clear that she’s been thinking about the adoption a lot. She gave more and better smiles than we have ever seen from her. She wanted to know if she could come home with us this trip. We told her that we weren’t leaving without her and she gave a huge, contented smile. She also told us that they did get the letters we’ve been sending and pointed out that they were in both Russian and English. She’s ready. I wish we could post a photo for everyone, but we can’t do that quite yet… but we will be able to do so soon.

We have an interview with a social worker and the kids in the morning at the orphanage. Then, after lunch, we have the first of two days of court. This is the day where they will grill us on our homestudy and other documents as well as why we are adopting from Russia. This is the hard day. Tuesday will be more formal, but less stressful in terms of questioning.


We had a nice time walking around Stavropol this afternoon, even though it was cool (4 deg. C) and misting a light rain. We then had dinner at “Fresh Burger”… in the food court in the Galleria mall by the hotel. Fresh Burger will now forever be our new codeword for eating really, really bad fast food. We struggled trying to order because I couldn’t find the menu items in our dictionary… and then it dawned on me that they were phonetic spellings in Russian of English Words that we already knew. The kids had chicken nuggets (Наггец), which were halfway edible. Lisa and I each had a burger (Бургер), which was not. By the way, “ketchup” cost extra and it was actually more like a cross between cocktail sauce and salsa. We won’t be paying extra for it next time. They must also REALLY like mayonnaise here based on the amount smeared on the burger… except it was more like a cross between sour cream, mayonnaise, and butter. Yum. Overall, it was an interesting experience in trying to order from the counter in a language you don’t really speak (it’s harder than using a menu where you can just point when they can’t understand you).