The Eyes of Those Who Will Remain

We were able to spend around 90 minutes with our kids in their orphanage this afternoon. It feels really good to officially be able to call them “our kids”. We explained about the court hearing. They knew it was yesterday and today and probably knew more about these hearings than we did since they have had friends who have already gone through the process. Yana (now Kim) clearly showed a look of satisfaction that it was final. She already knew about the 10 day wait, so it wasn’t too big of a disappointment that for her that they couldn’t leave with us today. We showed the kids the airline tickets to Moscow with their names on them. Kim had to count them to make sure we had enough. Gena (now Peter) was a little quiet about the whole thing. He did reach up and open Lisa’s locket to look at the pictures of Beth and Luke on one side and he and Kim on the other. He giggled a little bit about being in our family and even more when I kept asking him his name and he finally said “Peter”. We learned at court from the Deputy Director of the Orphanage that Peter has had his (very few) things packed and has been asking every day if it’s time for him to go home yet. He is excited, but very shy and reserved about it… especially if Kim is not in the room. She has been his security blanket and he will have a long, hard time learning to be his own person. He did very well with us today, but having been institutionalized in an orphanage from a young age and having that be a DRAMATIC IMPROVEMENT in his quality of life will make his transition a tough one.

At the orphanage today we experienced something that we also experienced back in July on our first trip. Lisa calls it “the eyes that follow”. Yesterday at the orphanage the care givers pretty much kept the other kids out of the area where we were visiting our kids. Today, we were in a different room…. The “guest room” where the Mama’s and Papa’s come to be with their kids. This room is on the main floor and is pretty much accessible to anyone who wanders by. Some of the other kids from the orphanage wandered by.

It started by them looking in the windows from outside. One or two would tap on the glass hoping for some response. Slowly a few started to sneak into the room and stand on the periphery, never saying a word. One boy, about 8 or 9 years old by the look of him, kept coming in to watch us and then he would step into the foyer where there was a piano. He’d play a few notes and then come back in. He wanted us to see that he liked music and he wanted us to think that he had some talent that might make us want to adopt him too, or maybe tell our friends about him. He never said a word the whole time we were there, but his eyes spoke volumes about his longing. Another boy, older, maybe 13 or 14 came and sat down with us while we played Tri-ominos with all four of our kids (you don’t have to speak the same language to figure out how to play). He watched very carefully and occasionally suggested a play to Kim. Most of his suggestions were wrong and hers were better, but you could tell he really wanted to be part of family activity… even if just as an observer for a little while. At his age and being a boy, he has almost no prospect of ever being adopted. He'll turn 18 and be dropped of in the center of town with 1 month's wage and well wishes. If the statistics we've read are true, he has a 2 in 3 probability that he will commit suicide within 3 years thereafter.

You never escape their eyes. They are always watching, waiting, calling, and wondering “why them and not me?” It rips a piece out of your soul every time you see them. Every child needs the love of a family and freedom from the lives that these kids have had to endure. If you are considering adopting a child, do it. They need you. Be it Russia, Africa, Central America, Asia, or your own town… they need a family and you can be it. You don’t have to be perfect… you just have to be willing. It’s a hard process as our previous blog posts over the past year and a half will attest, but it’s NOTHING compared to how hard it is to leave these kids behind. We can’t save them all, but we can save two. Will you help with another one?

If you have questions we'd be happy to talk to you about it.

Our Adoption Journey Begins

[from April 25, 2007 on my facebook page] - My family and I have decided to try to adopt two children from El Salvador. We have two biological children and my wife and I always thought that two was all we wanted... but the Lord had other ideas. Years ago, at a 4Him concert, one of the sponsors gave a presentation about international orphans, their crushing poverty and their almost complete lack of hope. It touched my heart in a profound way and the plight of these children has weighed on me ever since. Several times since, I've given SERIOUS thought about trying to do something about it, but I always thought "what can I do, there are so many how could I make any difference" and "it wouldn't be fair to my children to ask them to make this kind of sacrifice" and "how could I ask my wife to be mother to children that aren't her own"... so I did nothing. I am ashamed of my complacency.

At a recent concert (Steven Curtis Chapman), there was a similar presentation by a Christian International Adoption agency. It touched me again, and as I looked at my wife, I could see by her face and her moist eyes, that it touched her as well. Then, out of the blue, my 7 year old said "Dad, we have enough food and enough love... we should adopt one of these children who needs a family. If we get a boy, he can even stay in my room." From the mouths of babes... My 10 year old immediately jumped on the idea (through tear soaked eyes) and gave me the hardest, most loving hug as she said she also thought we should adopt. My wife whispered in my ear that she has felt the same thing for a long time but never thought we could actually do it. It was a real clarifying moment. I knew we would do this. I knew we couldn't NOT do this.

So here we are, on the road to an interanational adoption. After careful discussion, my wife and I agreed that we have the room, the love, and the patience (hopefully) to not adopt one child, but instead we are going to to try to adopt TWO. I'm still not entirely sure how we settled on El Salvador after also looking at China, Russia, Hungary, and several other countries. I think maybe it was their eyes. They say that when you look at the adoption materials, eventually one of the photos will speak to you. The soft, frightened brown eyes of a Salvadoran child burned their way into my heart and so we're adopting from El Salvador. We have begun the process of our "paper pregnancy" and it will likely take at least a year to a year and a half and we will have to travel to El Salvador for about 3 weeks when it's time to go bring our children home. We have so much to do until then... I'm re-learning Spanish, we are builing another bedroom (converting a play room), we have to complete our home study with a social worker, pay all of the fees (WOW... never knew how expensive it was to adopt a child from abject poverty) ...lots to do.

If you are the praying type, please keep us in your prayers as we move along this journey.